“Many of us at the moment, are feeling frustrated and even out of control. In this new world of restrictions being put in place and then lifted, students being taught in the classroom then online, over and over again, going to work, staying home, being let out, and then arguing about it all online or in the home – we can wind up feeling powerless. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Angry.
So what CAN we do to help bring back a feeling of control? To let go of of this Covid frustration. Whether you are living with restrictions or not, there is always something you can do for yourself that doesn’t involve anyone else making decisions on your behalf.
First and to be clear, you are not really out of control, you feel out of control. So how can you come back to feeling calm and in control? To help with communication (less fighting) and make better decisions? To better regulate your emotions? How you feel, act and react. What you say and don’t say, how you say it or choose not to. Whilst sometimes our emotions may feel out of control, they are actually withIN our control.
Let’s understand this better.
The goal with emotions is not to just be happy all the time. What we are in fact looking for is balance. Balance of emotions. Being able to deeply feel an emotion whilst keeping it in balance with all of the others. Frustrations and even anger usually build up over time before we have that exploding moment – but there are signs, often many signs that the level of frustration or anger is building up.”
Read full article to find out what you can do for yourself today.
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Screen-Shot-2021-10-04-at-10.49.24.jpg598799Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2021-10-04 10:52:522022-09-08 10:25:47Battling COVID frustrations. What can we do? Thrive Global
Clear the Chaos of Our Minds Simply by Journaling?
The simple answer is yes!
“For those yet to discover journaling, are apprehensive about it or basically think it’s a whole lot of bullshit – Let me try a different tact.
Imagine we all have a whirlpool swirling just above our heads. Inside are our thoughts. Half thoughts, full thoughts, bits of memories, a couple points from the to do list, an annoyance from earlier on, a flashback to something last year, a millisecond of feeling we’ve forgotten something, a worry about something next week, a nanosecond from a recent dream, some uncertainty about the future, mixed with the shopping list and what’s for dinner.
These thoughts, memories and fears flash and jump, sink and disappear, reappear, whirl and swirl until we are not sure if we have remembered or done anything today and all we know is that we feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and can’t quite focus.”
So how can journaling help?
Now imagine a funnel that runs from this whirlpool above our heads straight to our hands and into the pen. Now obviously we can’t write 20 things at once, so luckily, this funnel is just the right size to deliver us one thought at a time. Just one.
And if it is a half-thought, a flash of something, or an “I don’t really know what this” thought, we start with a couple of words or maybe a sentence. Just one. A complete sentence. Easy because our brain isn’t satisfied with a half sentence, and so we will naturally finish it—finish the sentence, finish the thought, make sense of what it is. Then another sentence. And if we want—another. Until that particular thought has reached its conclusion. Now the next thought can slide down the funnel. One at a time.
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Screen-Shot-2021-08-30-at-14.35.56.png404544Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2021-08-30 14:37:062022-08-20 08:26:51‘How to Clear the Chaos of our Minds simply by Journaling.’ Elephant Journal.
“2020 felt like a pretty horrible year to most people no doubt. Understandably, we just want to walk (or run!) away from it.
As much as we would like to switch off the memories, we can’t. Carrying the feelings, fear or anxiety of the past year into 2021 won’t benefit us as individuals, or as a collective.
So how can we prepare for 2021?
The reality of the world right now is that many of us will be spending what is normally a huge celebration – New Years Eve, alone or in small groups. Here are 3 things we can do on our own, with a friend or with a family member on new years eve itself, or during this week.
Grab a pen and 3 pieces of paper and let’s begin.”
Write down what you would like to shed. Think about your emotions, thoughts and feelings. We can’t get rid of what actually happened, the loss or the pandemic, but we can shed the anger, frustration, sadness or despair. Layer by layer, a little at a time, we can let go of the feelings associated. Write them down, find your words, express, process, let go.
With 2020’s pandemic spilling in to 2021, all we can control right now is us. Our thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, behaviour and style of communication. Whatever did not serve you in 2020, now is the time to make peace with it. 2020 is over and it is time to let go.
Burn that letter as you release it from your mind, body and soul.
Photo by Anthony R Turner, Art of Love Photography.
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/IMG_8334-scaled.jpg14401920Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2020-12-31 11:45:542022-08-20 08:41:25‘3 Ways to Step into 2021, Without the Weight of 2020,’ Thrive Global.
“Many of us have felt anxiety at different times in our lives to differing degrees. I think we can all agree it doesn’t feel nice at all. For some it can present as a shortness of breath, a rapid heart beat, a knot in the stomach or nausea, a racing mind, or a feeling of loss of reality and perception. However you may feel it, the great news is there is something you can do to help yourself in these moments. Let’s start by understanding anxiety. Let’s learn the 3-step process to calm anxiety.
Anxiety put really simply is when our mind runs ahead to imagining the worst-case scenario. We often then believe this worst-case scenario is true (because it feels that way) which can lead to further anxiety or a panic attack. Our mind has become disassociated from our body and from reality.
For example, you may need to resolve a conflict with a friend, family member or your boss. Feeling nervous or having a reasonable amount of fear can be normal. Anxiety is when you let your mind race ahead in to the worst-case scenario where you imagine it escalating to an argument that you feel you can’t come back from resulting in loss of trust, loss of friendship, loss of job or worse. This is an anxiety-driven thought that may also cause you to feel unable to even attempt to resolve the conflict at all.
Anxiety-driven thoughts can be about anything, from COVID19 related issues to love or family relationships, jobs, shopping, driving and anything else. I want to teach you a 3-step process to help combat anxiety and calm down the escalation from a thought or fear to an anxiety-driven thought.
Many people think that Step 1 is taking deep breaths but if you are feeling anxious or having a panic attack, you are not yet ready or often even able to take a deep breath.”
“This period of self-isolation has for many, been a real time of imposed self-reflection. For some it was a long overdue pause from life, for some it was just going deeper in to what you may already do. It is important to ‘know yourself’ – your patterns, beliefs, thoughts and habits, if you want to create change.
Stop, reflect and ask yourself questions. Am I happy? Am I doing what I want to be doing? Am I fulfilling my dreams? Am I living each day on purpose? Am I consciously living my life?
To self-reflect effectively we need to be hearing that background noise that we all have. We want to know what it is saying. Are you listening? Is it positive? Is it negative? Is it your own voice? Your parents? Siblings? Old teachers? Bullies from school? Friends or mentors? What are you filling your mind with? These questions are vital but can be scary if you have never asked them before.
You cannot change what you are not aware of.
Our lives, our minds, are a culmination of all the things we have ever heard and thought. Our habits are often passed down from our parents, from their parents. But do those habits still serve a purpose? Your purpose. Or are you on auto-pilot? Do you always set the table a certain way? Always at 6pm because your mother did? Do you actually want it set that way? Do you want to eat at 6pm? Do you drive with one hand on the wheel because your father always did? Do you secretly wish you could sing but don’t because a singing teacher twenty years ago at school told you you have a horrible voice? It doesn’t matter what the topic is, it matters that you bring self-awareness in to your life and start asking questions.
Listen to the noise in your head, even those voices you hid away somewhere far far out the back. Hear what they are saying so you can consciously choose what you want to do from now on. Shoving them back down or ignoring them only works for so long before they simply pop back up. Habits, behaviours, even pain, doesn’t just go away. We need to recognise it, find its source, work through it, make conscious decisions in our best interest and then act on them.
You are whatever you want to be. You have control; control over thoughts, emotions, behaviours, habits, ideas and creations. You can do anything with good self-awareness, good questions, some patience and self-belief.
Who are you when you strip away the voices of society, culture, family, friends and old nemesis?”
There is a growing teen mental health crisis across the world. In Australia alone 1 in 4 adolescents will experience mental health problems this year and suicide is the most common cause of death for 15–24 year olds. The stats are alarming. One person is one too many.
In my experience with counselling teenagers I have had clients as young as 12 years old suffering from anxiety, clients at 13 believing that their parents divorce was their fault, at 16 not being able to look past a pimple or scar to see who they are as a person and at 17 wondering why they should get out of bed when “today is just going to be as bad as yesterday.” I have worked with adults who at 30 were still stuck in negative thought patterns, at 40 were still traumatised from being bullied at school, at 50 not feeling worthy of love and even at 70 still haunted by teenage family abuse.
None of us are ‘immune to life’ — to traumas, to ‘bad things happening’, to feeling like we have failed, to holding on to past hurts and to the complexities of navigating teenage friendships.
But this is not all doom and gloom.
Life doesn’t have to be this way. The problem is that quite often we don’t know what it is we can try. In those moments we have lost perspective. We have lost faith in the world and we have lost trust in ourselves.
My past clients spurred me to write my latest book ‘The Key, A Social Emotional Toolkit for Teens.’ The most common sentence I was hearing from adults after working together was, “I wish I had learnt those things when I was younger,” and from that I set out to write. The frustration I felt at working with adults who had been carrying their life’s anxieties and traumas around for 10, 20, even 40 years was deeply saddening to me. Five-minutes is too long.
I believe the answer is in education. Not education that says ‘go to school’ but emotional intelligence education, social-emotional education, life education, education of the self, the heart and the soul.
A friend of mine, Kosal Khiev once wrote a poem ‘Moments In Between the Nights’ and that title alone springs to mind when I think about educating teens. It’s not in the ‘going to class,’ but the moments in between — the moments when no one is looking, when your mind suddenly turns, when doubt, fear, embarrassment, a memory, sadness, anxiety or negative thoughts kick in. It’s in those moments that we need to learn the self-awareness, the skills, tools and coping strategies to find our own balance again.
We can teach young people how to gain perspective, how to process their thoughts, emotions, behaviours and understand how and why they react to situations the way they do. We can teach them to understand and redefine terms such as success and failure. We can teach them self enquiry and self awareness, teach them how to better understand themselves, better understand friendships and the roles they play, that there is always someone they haven’t thought of they can talk to, something else they can try. We can teach them how to breathe — to calm down and to steady the mind. And to remind them that they are in control, that they have choice — choice in their actions, reactions, thoughts and behaviours. That there is ALWAYS something they can do. Life doesn’t happen TO us, we need to learn how to get back in the driver’s seat.
Through self-awareness we can create behaviour change but we cannot change what we are not aware of.
Yes we can even break out of negative thought patterns or better understand and cope with anxiety. There are simple steps that can be followed and in my book and videos I guide teens step-by-step in a very simple, practical and no bullshit way. I don’t brush over topics or say “Oh you’ll be okay.” he book gently holds their hand and takes them on a journey of self discovery where they learn to better understand themselves, find their strengths and resilience and get back in control of themselves.
In psychology terms, adolescence is the developmental stage of identity. Who am I? It is a powerful thing to begin to answer that question as a teen. How many adults can truly answer it?
* The Key, A Social Emotional Toolkit for Teens is not a substitute for a specialised mental health counsellor or diagnosed mental health conditions.
‘Teen Mental Health’ was posted in Medium in September 2019.
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/IMG_3107-1-1-e1569463848523.jpg256200Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2019-09-26 09:02:312022-08-20 08:47:18‘Teen Mental Health,’ Medium
If we continue to hold on to the illusion of “perfection,” we can spend a lifetime feeling like we have failed. So, why are we all striving to reach something that’s not real?
Let’s understand it better.
Being a perfectionist can often mean you get stuck or don’t complete tasks because you never feel they are up to your own set of standards. A writer would never press send or publish, a designer would never have their new outfits in a shop, a manager returning to the drawing board again and again rather than giving the official go ahead.
Does this sound like you? Are you a perfectionist?
Did you know there is even a term for this fear? For those that have a genuine fear of imperfection and not being good enough? It is called atelophobia, and it is an anxiety disorder.
As a therapist and Writing from The Source workshop facilitator, “perfectionism” is the number one obstacle brought up as getting in the way of completing tasks (procrastination and self doubt are the next two).
People would rather not complete (or even start) new projects than have to deal with failure. Perfectionism unintentionally gets translated in to fear. Rather than holding this as an excuse — it’s a good one I know, isn’t it better to deal with it instead?
So how do we deal with perfectionism? Well the trick is knowing what it means. I pose the question to you — what is perfection? What is perfect? If we are all striving toward it, shouldn’t we know what it is? To better understand this, let’s start with a couple of simple questions.
1. Have you ever read the perfect book? I don’t mean a good book, a great book, an amazing, interesting or enthralling book, I mean the perfect book!
Can you name it?
2. Do you own the perfect outfit? Dress, suit, jeans or skirt. Does this outfit always make you feel good? Is this outfit great for that occasion or is it in itself perfect?
Do you see where I am going with this?
“Perfect,” the way we see it (or think we see it) does not really exist. It is an illusion that we can spend hours, days or years trying to achieve… and it isn’t real. It is a bit like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Romi Grossberg is a writing therapist, holistic counsellor, facilitator of Writing from The Source workshops and author. ‘Are you a perfectionist?’ is an extract from her upcoming new book, titled ‘The 5-Minute Guide to Emotional Intelligence’ to be released in April 2016. For more information, go to www.romigrossberg.com
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Perfectionist.jpg7501500Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2017-04-02 20:48:432022-08-20 09:12:43‘Are You a Perfectionist?’ Huffington Post
For many, 2016 was a particularly tough year. Whether that includes you or not, I am going to share with you my top tip to manifesting a magical 2017.
This simple process will teach you how to let go of 2016 and open your heart and mind to the magic of 2017.
1. Letting Go and Conscious Decision-Making.
Sit in silence for a moment and recap your year. Grab some paper and a pen and write down anything that you want to let go of from 2016. It can be an emotion such as fear or anything that upset you, angered you, frustrated you, saddened you, anything that didn’t serve you and any old stories that you want to let go of.
Write them all down as a conscious choice. “I choose to let go of …”
Fold the paper and put it aside for a moment.
2. Conscious Manifestation.
What do you want for yourself for 2017? It can be anything. What do you dream of for yourself? Include your personal and professional life. Write it with intention. Write it with your heart wide open. Add what you want for your family and then what you want for the world.
Dream big! Be clear and specific. “For 2017, I want/I wish for/I will have/I will be.”
Fold the paper and put it aside for a moment.
Whatever kind of ceremony suites your personality and makes it feel that you are marking an important moment. The only thing it must include is a lighter or matches, the rest is up to you. Take a few deep breaths and pick up your first paper. Read it out loud. Know that you are making a conscious decision with all of your being to now let go of all that no longer serves you, all that hurt you or upset you in 2016. Make a prayer in whatever way that makes sense to you. Take a moment for yourself, and then burn it and know you are letting it go.
Now pick up your second paper and read it out loud. Read it with enthusiasm and desire for all that you wish to invite in to your life for 2017. Know that you are making a conscious decision with all of your being to now invite all that you wish for in 2017. Make a prayer in whatever way that makes sense to you. Take a moment for yourself, and then burn it and know you are sending it out in to the world to be answered.
Breathe. Relax. Smile. You are done.
Welcome 2017, I look forward to enjoying you to the fullest.
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/image-4.jpg533800Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2016-12-20 21:32:212020-06-28 11:14:46‘Top Tip to Manifesting a Magical 2017,’ Medium
People often ask me how I manage to be so productive whilst maintaining a lifestyle that is enjoyable and stress free. I live in Thailand (yes by the beach) and am an author. Beautiful no doubt, but this doesn’t exactly pay for all of my lifestyle choices. So, I freelance as a writer of websites, a copy editor of books and blogs, I am a counsellor, writing mentor, writing therapist and workshop facilitator.
I have to travel to various locations to do re-cons for new websites and run my workshops in different places (including different islands). All of this means I have to juggle schedules, management, students, clients, travel and those who work on ‘Thai time’ (a bit like the Spanish ‘mañana, mañana’).
I just published a book. I also need to give a progress report on my next book in about six weeks. I have A LOT to do. That is just the basics. Every day there are follow up emails, Facebook and other social media around my published book that seem never ending. Yes there are days I wish I had a P.A.
I also want to maintain my lifestyle. I am trying out Tai Chi for the first time and have a two-hour class three times this week to fit in. I have a session this week on women’s sexual health and vitality (why not!) and I have a friend coming to visit with her daughter. Reading the above three paragraphs could definitely stress me out if I let it. I don’t.
I am organised. This keeps all stress at bay. Many people think that getting or being organised is time consuming and can be stressful alone. It doesn’t need to be at all. So here is how I do it. You can too!
Romi Grossberg is the author of ‘The 5-Minute Guide to Emotional Intelligence’. She also has a newly set up support group on Facebook (with the book title name) for those going through the book – ticked off the list just yesterday. For more information, go to www.romigrossberg.com
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/clear-sky-daydreaming-hammock-914929.jpg9501280Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2016-12-07 21:16:062022-08-20 09:22:22‘The Stress-Free Way To Manage Your Day,’ Huffington Post
The week after I landed back in Thailand from my book launch in Australia, the Tea Temple crew at The Sanctuary threw me the most beautiful book launch party. Family, friends and new friends came to help celebrate.
We chatted, did speeches and lots and lots of book (and a boob) signing. A magical day full of love and support and I am forever grateful.
https://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/5c363e_ca7d1f8b2e524d88ad810bcdc0168f11mv2-1.jpg442640Romi Grossberghttps://www.romigrossberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Romi-Logo-Web.svgRomi Grossberg2016-07-03 19:54:112019-05-08 11:02:53My Book Launch
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